Ancestral thug, King Arthur of the sloth world,
I salute you!
My knight in leather pantaloons,
I sing your praises.
You have made ugliness hot.
You know how to throw your man-muscles around,
how to impress the ladies with your slick sword.
You are never lonely, the girls flock to you.
You can inflate your insides and swim across rivers!
What prowess, my leathery hero.
Just one thing I can’t understand.
How do you bed your Guinevere?
How do you push aside your thick armor
to reveal your tender places?
Oh my macho rabbit in a turtle shell,
I have known so many men like you!